I have been on this healing journey for almost 20 years now and it never surprises me when I yet again need to heal from something. Life keeps happening and new challenges arrive that can trigger old wounds. I once thought I needed to”graduate’ from healing. Like I was supposed to get better and never need to do it again. But that isn’t realistic because no matter how hard you try something always happens.
Today I am a much happier person than I was all those years ago. Even happier than the person I was at the start of this year. But I still have moments of sadness and my Bipolar brain is still going to cycle whether I like it or not.
These past few months have been a very emotional time for me. Some days are better than others and some are just shit. I am dealing with a lot of old wounds that have resurfaced and giving myself so much space and grace. What you see is what you get though. I am never hiding who I am or what I am feeling.
I say all this to say that I am sad, frustrated and stressed and while I know it is just a lot of demons I am fighting I want you to know that you are not alone if you are feeling even the tiniest bit off. Life has decided to test me this whole year and well I am tired.
The reason I do what I do is because I know what it is like to feel this stuff and have to do it all alone. And trust me, I am never giving more than I can when I show up online. I am very deliberate with myself and how I move in this world. When I shower you all with love it is truly because in that moment that is what my soul needs to heal.
I used to be embarrassed to say that I was a coach because people thought it was silly. Also some of these coaches are fucking insane and just wrong. The only reason I won’t go back to school to be a licensed therapist is because I don’t fucking want to do anymore school!
I was also told I can’t coach if I don’t have it all together. Literally, I think I am a great coach because I failed a lot. I fucked up. And healing is a life long journey. Sometimes it is more intense than in other times. Sometimes it is on autopilot but we never stop growing as people. When you stop growing is when you stop healing in my opinion.
I never tell anyone what to do or how to do it. This isn’t one size fits all and what works for me won’t always work for others. I can however guide you to discovering your own voice and how you want to live in this life. Your journey is as unique and as sacred as you are and no one gets to decide how you move within it. Not even me.
I too get tired of the constant need to heal and grow. And right now really want to say fuck it. But I won’t. I never have. It is why I am here because no matter how bad it gets I still get back up and the haters hate.
Today I hit my limit and so I am just going to be whatever emotion I need to be to get through each day until I feel sunshine again.
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