So a recurring theme in therapy for me has always been to get back to rational thinking. Having Bipolar alters my view of many things and I often can’t think rationally. I often live in a complete state of irrational thinking lol. And sometimes it is harmless but other times it makes my reactions to things non-productive.
I also can be very logical and take emotions out of things in certain areas of life, but when it comes to personal things I can’t separate that. Or should I say, instead of feeling my emotions having my tantrum then moving forward, I bring the tantrum to that person. I don’t think before I speak and I do not process my emotions before handling it.
So I was reminded of a practice that I had gotten out of which is to basically word vomit on a piece of paper. I am no good at writing my emotions to process in a notes app which is why I have 80 unfinished journals. But that isn’t the point. I needed everyone of them!
But due to a number of factors one being pure lack of motivation to do that work I stopped doing this and it caused a lot of unnecessary frustration and hurt feelings that could have been avoided had I paused before I spoke.
Like at work, someone can piss me off and I can write a strongly worded heavily emotional email in a word doc get it all out then delete it and send a well-thought-out rational email, maybe a little spicy because sometimes I am just petty, but generally it is a rational stream of thought and I can back up my side clearly and concisely.
But when I am in my emotional mind. Fist are swinging hurt feelings become my weapon and fuel for my fire. I can’t truly articulate what actually is upsetting me because I still haven’t fully self-reflected to understand the situation.
Well Selene get to the damn point what does it all mean!!??? Well shit it means to slow the fuck down. Handwriting my feelings has been something I have done since I was a kid. It heps me feel heard, even if I never give the letter away, and it helps me self-reflect. Sometimes I write multiple letters because I am still processing the feelings.
If I choose to address this issue this helps me gain clarity on what exactly upset me. Not just that my feelings were hurt. And that isn’t to say that isn’t a valid reason at all. But people can’t change if they don’t know what it is that happened and why you felt that way. Also it is a way to see where maybe I am just overacting. That happens often.
Sometimes I don’t know why I am feeling a certain way about a situation, but I can at least say “Hey, this bothers me I am still unsure exactly why but I will let you know more when I figure it out.” Like you are opening up lines of communication that will be productive for both parties.
I talk about self reflection a lot, not in a way to put blame on yourself for others’ behavior but to own your behavior. We can’t control what other people do but we can control how we react to it. Sometimes there is no way to have a productive conversation if the other person isn’t willing to accept their part in whatever it is. But for me at least, when I can calmly articulate why my feelings were hurt, what would make me feel better instead and what I need then the results tend to be a lot better than if I went in fist flying.
Also in self-reflection for me I have been able to see things I can work on as a person even if the person I am having a problem with is no longer going to be in my life. I realized in a past friendship that even though they really hurt me I was better off without them because I wasn’t allowing myself to grow there fully. Self-reflection isn’t about what you did wrong. It is about growing as a person. Growing into the person you want to be.
So if you ever see me writing in a notebook just wait until I put the pen down because I am not ready to talk yet because I really don’t want to solve all my problem through emotions alone. My emotions are a gift that allow me to have conversations and care how I treat the other person, but only after I process them.
How do you process your emotions?
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